Time Warp

Do you ever lay in bed and process your thoughts as if it were a blog post? Last night I did, and here is the blog post I created for the two readers I actually have left ;-)

Lately, I have a strange and uneasy feeling that I am living in a time warp. Not the fun kind that I always wanted, where you could go back and live in your favorite era, as if you were Laura Ingalls or a band member in ABBA. No, this has been a time warp which completely jumbles the time continuum in your head and makes nothing in recent history seem consecutive. A friend from Greenville mentioned the old house yesterday, and I realized that is feel like YEARS since we lived there, though only 6 months has passed. That life is so far away both in miles and mentally.
At the same time, I have recently connected with old friends and acquaintances, many of whom I haven't seen in 15 or so years. 15 YEARS!!! Where did those 15 years go, because it seemed like yesterday I was in college, and starting out my adult life. It seems like yesterday I was barely old enough to have 15 years of memories. Now I am reconnecting with people I haven't seen in 15 years?!!! The concept is blowing me away.

Of course there are "the boys", Matthew in particular. Next week he starts school 3 days a week, which means our family is starting to have a set schedule, dictated by the school calendar. I'm not ready for that, and more so, for the thought of my son starting the educational cycle that will last the next 18 years. Why am I not ready? Not sure. I know he'll love school, but I'm scared to blink. I'm scared that tomorrow I will wake up, take a shower, and put on a nice dress. I will walk out the door and go to his college graduation, and wonder where the time went. Sending him to school feels like I am putting him on one of those moving walkways at the airport, and once he's on it, I can't stop him, I can't slow him down. I can only watch him go.

I hear it every year from the parents of our football players, "oh they grow up so fast". I know it's common experience. But I don't want it to be MY experience, so I am desperately trying to figure out how to stop it. If I pull him out of school and continue to teach him at home, will that help? Is there someone out there who can say they slowed down time so this didn't happen to them? If so what is your name and number, because we need to talk!

I don't like this time warp I am in. I want to make it stop and just live today, all 24 hours. I don't want to hold my kids back, but I don't want to let them, or time, run away from me either. No, this time warp is not the fun kind; it's the kind where you feel scared and powerless.